Back to: Harry Potter » Notebooks and Letters

Year 6, Chapter 2, A Life-Altering Decision

From the Journal of Hermione Granger – July 16

My life is over.

Hermione Granger sat in her bedroom at her desk, staring out the window into her back yard. It was a lovely handcrafted oak desk, made for her by her father for her seventh birthday. In succeeding years he had added bookshelves, which now covered an entire wall. This was the place where she had always retreated in times of stress or sorrow, finding solace in her books. But there was no comfort for her this evening.
 

How can things have gone so wrong so suddenly?

She had long since run out of tears. Now she was trying to pull herself together enough to record the disaster in her journal. She sighed once more and picked up the quill again.
 

Dad and Mum have withdrawn me from Hogwarts.

Apparently there were still some tears remaining after all, for she buried her head in her hands and sobbed again at the sight of the stark words staring back up at her. It was as though writing them down was the final confirmation of their reality.

But eventually she was able to continue.

This morning an owl arrived from Hogwarts. It sounded like a routine letter from Madame Pomfrey checking up on me after my injury, but it referred quite specifically to what had happened and how I’d almost died. When Dad saw it the roof fell in.

I can’t really blame them for their actions. They’re not doing it because they’re mean or trying to ruin my life. They love me and are trying to protect me. At one point during our argument about it Mum asked what I would do in their place, if my daughter attended a school where she’d almost been killed several times. (I’d broken down and told them the truth about the other things that have happened to us as well.) I couldn’t answer her.

When Hedwig showed up with Harry’s letter I asked her to take a message to Dumbledore asking for his help. But when he arrived he just said that there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn’t force my parents to let me attend Hogwarts. Then I pointed out that I would be of age in a few months and wouldn’t need their permission. They countered that I wouldn’t be of age in the muggle world for another year. Dumbledore shot down the idea anyway by saying that even though I turned seventeen during the school year, I would not be able to start classes in the middle of the term.

After he left there was a lot of crying and hugging, and Dad compromised by saying since my birthday is in September, which is only a couple of weeks after the start of classes, they would allow me to make my own decision about the following year when I turn eighteen.

What am I going to do now? I promised Harry I’d be by his side. He needs me.

I need to be with him.

I need him.

The tears came once more, and Hermione buried her head on her beloved desk.

-ooo-

Dear Harry,

I have some awful news for you. My parents are not allowing me to return to Hogwarts next year …

Hedwig had arrived during breakfast and Harry, recognizing it as a letter from Hermione, had eagerly opened it and begun reading. To everyone’s surprise he immediately fell silent and turned pale, then buried his head in his hands. After a few moments, he looked up again, grabbed the letter and his eyes darted over it once more, as if trying to convince himself that he’d misread it the first time. Then he dropped the letter to the table as if it had burned his hands, stood up and choked out a few unintelligible words, and raced outside.

The others in the kitchen of the Burrow looked at each other in puzzlement. Ron picked up the letter and glanced at it, turned pale as well, and hurried out the door after Harry. Next Ginny picked it up and her eyes went wide, and Molly moved up to read it over her shoulder. After they finished Fleur took a glimpse at it in turn. Glancing up, she saw Molly shoot a triumphant look toward Ginny. The Weasley matron was about to say something to her daughter, but stopped when she saw Fleur watching her. With a glare at them, Fleur swept out the door in the wake of the two boys.

Outside, Harry was standing by the edge of the woods, alternately clenching and unclenching his fists as Ron tried to think of something to say to console him.

“It’s my fault. It’s all my fault,” Harry moaned repeatedly. Suddenly he stopped as a wooden block appeared and hovered before him. He spun around to see that Fleur had walked up behind him, her wand out, and realized that she had conjured it for him.

“Go a’ead and blast eet,” she suggested. “When Veela are angry zey turn eento birds and shoot fireballs. Eet ’elps work off ze stress.”

Harry needed no further encouragement. “Reducto!” he called out with a slash of his wand, and a bright silver beam obliterated the object. With a quick wave of her wand Fleur conjured another.

“Harry!” Ron shouted in horror. “What are you doing? You’ll be expelled for underage magic.”

“So what?” Harry snapped back. “If Hermione’s not at Hogwarts why would I want to be there anyway?” He turned his attention to the new target. “Reducto!” Once again, Fleur smoothly replaced it.

“Harry …” Ron began, trying to reason with his friend.

“Don’t worry, Ronald,” Fleur assured him in a calm, confident voice. “Your Ministry weell not concern zemselves weez simple spells being cast in a ’ouse full of wizards.” She paused to conjure another wooden victim for Harry’s blasting hex. “And eef zey investigate I weell just tell zem eet was me,” she concluded with an unconcerned shrug.

“Reducto!” Harry continued his assault on Fleur’s wooden creations. For ten minutes he blasted them apart as fast as she conjured them. Finally his shoulders slumped as the initial wave of anger subsided, and shock took over. At this point the French witch put a comforting arm across his back and guided him over to a grassy spot where she sat him down, then smoothed her robes as she gracefully settled down opposite him. To Ron’s amazement, and somewhat to Harry’s relief, no Ministry owls arrived.

“But … but what about the Trace?” Ron objected as he plopped down beside Harry. At this Fleur lifted her head back and laughed lightly, a light melodic sound that made Ron’s eyes glaze over briefly.

“Oh, zat silly superstition,” she smirked with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Do you Eenglish still take zat seriously?” She noticed Harry’s curious expression and smiled at him and explained. “Wizarding parents tell zere children zat zere ees an enchantment on zem zat informs ze authorities whenever zey do magic. Eet ees to keep zem from experimenting outside of school. I do not zink zat eet ’as stopped your brozzers, n’est-ce pas?” she asked Ron with a twinkle in her eye.

Ron was unable to do more than make a few choking noises. Harry decided that Fleur had better stop smiling at him before he passed out. Then he remembered the source of his distress and his face fell again.

“What am I gonna do?” he sighed as his head dropped into his hands. “It’s all my fault.”

This comment managed to distract Ron from his fixation on Fleur. “C’mon mate, don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“Ron, her parents are pulling her out of Hogwarts because I keep almost getting her killed,” Harry retorted bitterly.

“So, the troll was your fault?” Ron challenged.

“Well …”

“Quirrel going after the Stone had nothing to do with you, and letting the troll in was part of his plan. As for Hermione being in the way, that was my fault if anyone’s,” Ron argued. “You were the one who went after her. She’d have been killed if you weren’t there.”

“I guess,” Harry admitted.

“And second year, when she got petrified by the basilisk it wasn’t your fault either,” Ron continued. “Ginny let it out of the Chamber. Shouldn’t you blame her instead?”

“No! I’d never say that,” Harry protested. “Riddle was responsible for that.”

“Right,” Ron agreed. “And You Know Who was responsible for what happened last month too.”

“As for what you are going to do about eet,” Fleur broke in before Harry could counter this assertion. “I zink zat ees a decision zat you and ’Ermione need to make togezzer.”

“How am I going to do that?” Harry complained. “Dumbledore specifically told me not to run off from the Burrow no matter …” his voice faded out as he recalled the exact wording his headmaster had used. Almost as though he had expected something like this to happen. But before he could follow up on that thought, Fleur took him by surprise with her next comment.

“I zink I can do somezing about zat,” she announced with a broad smile.

-ooo-

Dear Hermione,

I am so, so sorry. You must be feeling just awful. Please don’t lose hope. We have to have faith that things will work out. Like you said, it will be for a year at most, and then you can come back.

I think Dumbledore might have had an idea that this was going to happen from something he said to me as he left me here. I don’t know why he couldn’t do more about it. I’m going to ask him about it when I see him again.

Fleur is working on a way for me to come and visit you, and then she wants to talk to your parents. I’m not sure what she has in mind, but at least she’s trying. The problem is, I promised Dumbledore I wouldn’t leave here without two Order guards. Since Fleur is in the Order, that’s one, and she’s confident she can talk someone into joining her. She said if she can’t get anyone else, she can certainly persuade Bill. I decided I didn’t want to think about exactly how she would do that, but I have no doubt that she can.

Along those lines, I learned something about the restriction on underage magic. When I got your letter I was so angry I was about to explode, and Fleur suggested I blast some targets she conjured for me. She was right, it helped a lot. But I didn’t get an owl from the Ministry. She said that they couldn’t tell who was casting the spells, since there are a lot of adult wizards living here.

Then Ron said something about the Trace. Have you ever heard about that? Supposedly it’s some kind of enchantment put on children such that the Ministry can detect when they do magic. I don’t ever remember having something like that put on me, but it might have been when I was a baby. They wouldn’t have done that to you though, since you and your parents didn’t know you were a witch until you got your Hogwarts letter. Anyway, Fleur said it was a myth that wizard parents use to keep their kids in line. Apparently it didn’t work on Fred and George!

Oh, and Fleur also thinks I should go to France with you. As you might have guessed, Mrs. Weasley hates that idea. She and Fleur weren’t getting on very well to begin with, but now they’re barely speaking to each other. Fleur says she’ll take me there herself if she has to. I bet you’d love having a French witch to show us the magical parts of France, right?

I hope this has helped cheer you up a bit. Just remember that I love you, and I’ll do anything I can to help you.

I really miss you.

Love,

Harry

-ooo-

Dear Harry,

I love you! You have no idea how much better I felt after I got your letter. I’m ashamed to admit that I worried that you might forget about me if I was gone for a year. I know, I know, it was stupid of me. It’s just my lack of self-confidence popping up again. It’s the same thing that makes me worry that I failed my OWLs. Not that it matters (for me) now, but I wonder when we’ll find out the results?

I can’t believe how helpful Fleur is being. I have to confess that I haven’t always had the highest opinion of her. I’m glad that I was wrong! I hope I can start over with her on a new footing. And yes, it would be so exciting to learn about another magical culture!

With regard to underage magic, I did research it after you asked me about it a couple weeks ago, and I did find some references to the Trace. I had the same doubts that you did, because to my knowledge I never had any spell like that cast on me. What Fleur told you about the Ministry detection spells makes the most sense to me.

Oh, I do hope you and Fleur can work out a way for you to come visit. Even if you can’t change my dad’s mind, I want so much to see you and hold you again. And if you can come to France with us – well, I don’t want to get my hopes up too much but that would be so wonderful.

I miss you.

All my love,

Hermione

-ooo-

Dear Hermione,

Good news! Tonks has agreed to come with Fleur to take me to your house. How does Saturday the 29th sound? You wanted to celebrate my birthday with me, and that’s pretty close, I reckon. There’s no way Mrs. Weasley would let me come on my birthday itself, as she has something planned here.

It seems kind of ironic in light of what Ginny was saying on my first day here about Tonks being a potential rival love interest for Bill, but she and Fleur get along pretty well. I often notice them talking to each other, and Fleur seems to be consoling her. Fleur really is nice once you get to know her and get past her somewhat aloof exterior. I actually identify with her in a way, since she has to deal with people’s preconceived opinions of her, just like I do. I think we kind of understand each other. She’s sort of turned into a big sister for me.

Besides Tonks when she’s here, I’m the only one who really talks to Fleur (other than Bill of course). Ron still goes incoherent around her and Ginny constantly makes snide remarks about her. We sneak off to the woods and she helps me practice spells whenever we can get away from Mrs. Weasley.

Both Fleur and Tonks are working on figuring out a way to get me to France. I won’t necessarily be able to go with you, but I might be able to meet you there. I understand that Dumbledore doesn’t approve, but they both seem to be more willing to go against his wishes than most of the Order members. Mrs. Weasley is having a fit about it. Don’t tell Ron I said this, but I think she’s trying to get me together with Ginny. It seems like she’s always setting up situations where we’re paired up when she gives us chores to do, and Ginny ends up sitting next to me at every meal. But you don’t have to worry, I’m still all yours. Please don’t ever doubt that. Ginny actually seems a little embarrassed about it.

So, how about it? Think you have room for three visitors next weekend?

I miss you.

Love,

Harry

-0x0x0-

From the Journal of Hermione Granger – July 30

It worked! Harry came to visit yesterday. I couldn’t stop hugging him when he first arrived. I was so happy to see him. And on top of that, Fleur had a proposal for my parents. Things were a little awkward at first with them though.

When Hermione finally released Harry from her enthusiastic welcoming hug, he turned to face her parents. “Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Granger,” he began politely. “Thank you for having me over today.” Unfortunately, her father had been somewhat reluctant for him to visit in the first place, and was further put out by the extended hug.

“I suppose you’re here to try to change our minds about Hermione?” he challenged.

Harry made a supreme effort to keep his emotions under control. “Mr. Granger, I want more than anything for Hermione to come back to Hogwarts, but I acknowledge that you have the right to make the decision you did. And I also understand that you want what is best for Hermione. On that I completely agree with you.” Dan Granger relaxed a bit at these words and couldn’t help being impressed all over again with this young man.

“Do you agree that it’s dangerous for Hermione to be with you?” he asked next.

“It is,” Harry admitted. Beside him he heard Hermione’s gasp, and felt without even looking at her the look of betrayal she sent his way. But he continued the statement Tonks and Fleur had assisted him with as he put together his thoughts for this confrontation. “The courage that she has shown in being willing to help me out of the trouble I find myself in, regardless of the danger involved, has been the most impressive thing about her ever since I first met her. Even more so than her intelligence, which is absolutely amazing. I’m sure that it is why she was sorted into Gryffindor rather than Ravenclaw.”

Dan Granger was not at all prepared for this honest response, and couldn’t help the feeling of pride for his daughter it generated in him. Before he could come up with a reply, Fleur stepped forward and he temporarily took leave of his senses.

Fleur, with Tonks’s help, had selected a halter style muggle sundress in a pastel green and white print. The snugly fit top revealed an impressive bust line with an attractive, but not overwhelming, amount of cleavage. She had also charmed her skin to a light tan, which perfectly complimented her silvery blonde hair. The overall effect was to take any male’s breath away. Fortunately, Harry had had time to become accustomed to the outfit before they arrived at the Grangers.

Harry reached back to take Hermione’s hand and was relieved when she gave him a squeeze of appreciation for his description of her. On her other side Tonks stepped up, dressed in a smart, professional looking blouse, jacket and skirt. Today, her hair was dark and shoulder length and neatly styled, as her look had been chosen be more in line with Mrs. Granger’s preferences. Hermione introduced everyone and they all moved into the living room and sat down, with her father continuing to cast not so surreptitious glances at Fleur, much to her mother’s amusement.

After they spent some time getting to know my parents, Tonks and Fleur shifted to the topic of their decision about me. Tonks pointed out that if Voldemort’s ideas prevailed, things would be dangerous for everyone, but particularly for muggleborn wizards and witches. But since I was already known to the Death Eaters, staying here at home wasn’t necessarily the safest alternative. At the very least I needed to learn to defend myself if I were attacked.

Then Fleur made her pitch. She suggested that my parents enroll me in her alma mater, Beauxbatons. She claimed that France is relatively peaceful as Voldemort is concentrating his efforts here in Britain. And she assured them that I would receive a top notch education there, that she was on good terms with the headmistress, and that Madame Maxime was already aware of my superb talents as a witch. (She made me blush with that point.)

My dad just ate it up. Personally, I think she could have sold him anything, he was so taken with her. But Mum was nearly as impressed with Tonks, as well as with the thoroughness of their presentation. They sealed the deal by suggesting that we stop and visit Beauxbatons during our trip to France next month, and my parents agreed enthusiastically.

Once that was settled, everyone relaxed and enjoyed the rest of the day. All in all, it was a reasonable compromise. Of course it does mean that I’ll be away from Harry for a year, which will be very difficult to take. Mum and Dad did agree that he could come visit over the Christmas holidays.

Dinner was wonderful. Mum talked Dad into making reservations at a very nice French restaurant, and our party made quite an impression. Tonks transfigured her business suit into a dazzling cocktail dress. I had bought a new spaghetti strap sundress for the occasion, and while I wasn’t as stunning as Fleur, it did look pretty good on me. And even though every other man at the restaurant couldn’t take their eyes off of her, Harry’s attention was on me the whole time. Fleur charmed the waiter not only with her looks but by ordering in French, and I think she talked the wine steward into letting us have an expensive wine at a reduced price.

Tonks and Fleur even managed to distract Mum and Dad for a bit at the end so Harry and I could have some private time together. We sat out on the porch swing and snuggled up while watching the sun set. It’s ironic that it was almost exactly a year ago that we did the same thing, the day the Order came and took him to Grimmauld Place. Things change and things stay the same. Last year we were two best friends who were wondering if we were becoming more, but were comforting each other as we faced an uncertain future, with Harry possibly about to be expelled from Hogwarts. This year the future is once again uncertain, but I’m the one who probably isn’t coming back to Hogwarts. And we’re much more than friends, although we’re still that. And this time there was kissing along with the cuddling.

In between the kissing Harry gave me some more details on his reaction to my initial letter and what he’d been doing at the Weasleys since then. While I was sad to see him go at the end of the day, it was a very nice visit, and I’m hopeful that I’ll see him again when we’re on holiday.

Like we both told each other, we’ll get through this somehow, and we’ll be together again when it’s over.

Later –

My OWL results arrived today. Pretty ironic timing, I suppose. I showed them to my parents, which set off another round of tears, although not too bad. I did very well and they told me how proud they were of me. They agreed that I should take them along to show Madame Maxime when we visit Beauxbatons. I got O’s in everything except Astronomy and History of Magic, where I got E’s. And there were extenuating circumstances for both of those. Hagrid and McGonagall were attacked during our Astronomy practical, and I couldn’t concentrate on finishing the History exam after Harry had his vision and left the room.

Still Later –

Hedwig just arrived with a note from Harry about his and Ron’s OWL results. Harry got an O in Defense Against the Dark Arts, as I was sure he would. There was a notation that he received better than 100 percent because of the extra credit point. That made it the highest DADA OWL score in more than 50 years. He also received E’s in Charms, Transfiguration, Care of Magical Creatures, and Potions (take that Snape!) and A’s in Herbology and Astronomy. He failed Divination (who cares about that anyway?) and History of Magic, of course.

Ron passed the same exams that Harry did, except with no O’s, and not as many E’s. All in all, it was a very good showing for both of them, but especially for Harry. I wrote back to Harry that between the two of us we had 10 O’s and 6 E’s and that he should try to figure out from that information what my scores were.

-ooo-

Dear Hermione,

We think we have it worked out. Fleur is going to take a portkey back home next Monday. Since international portkeys are strictly controlled, I can’t just tag along. Apparently there are wards against cross-border apparation too. You have to apparate to designated receiving sites, sort of like muggle Customs checkpoints. Tonks is going to apparate to one of them. Being an Auror she has a Ministry passport with unlimited access. As for me, I’m going to ride the Chunnel train under my invisibility cloak, and Tonks and Fleur will meet me in Paris.

In case you’re wondering how Tonks is taking all this time off work, Director Bones has given her a special assignment – me! It seems that she has taken a special interest in me and my confrontations with Voldemort and considers me a high security target on a par with the Minister of Magic, so I warranted a personal bodyguard. Tonks will consequently be at Hogwarts next school year as well. Dumbledore approved the idea on the condition that Madame Bones would assign an Order member for the guard duty, and Tonks was the logical candidate since she knows me better than the other Auror Order members. Oh, by the way, Kingsley Shacklebolt’s on special assignment for the Ministry – I’ll tell you more about that when I see you.

After we spend some time seeing the sights of Paris, Fleur will take me to her home for a visit. Would you like to join us for that? Then we can go to Beauxbatons, and then we can spend two weeks with your parents in the south of France, before coming back here to get ready for the school year.

Does all this sound OK? If you have any suggested changes let us know.

I miss you.

Love,

Harry

-ooo-

Dear Harry,

Your plan sounds wonderful! The only suggestion I have is that I join you in Paris. It’s one of the most romantic cities in the world, you know. My parents say that as long as there are two chaperones, and we stay in separate rooms, it is all right with them. Can Fleur come down to our beach resort and pick me up before she goes to join you in Paris?

We’re doing well so far, and my tan is developing nicely. I ended up getting two new bikinis, and I can’t wait for you to see them. I’m not going to describe them for you so they’ll be a surprise. I thought you might enjoy using your imagination. One thing that I will tell you is that I actually got noticed by a couple of boys here at the resort, and one of them asked me out! I couldn’t believe it! Me? Don’t worry, though, I’m not interested in any boy but you.

Oh, I wanted to mention that I brought along some books for you to read. Since you liked the ones I sent you last year I think you’ll like these as well. They’re not exactly about dragons and wizards, but they were written by a contemporary of Tolkien’s – C. S. Lewis. I read these when I was younger and really enjoyed them. That’s my favorite part of vacation – lying out on the beach in the lounge chair and reading and sunbathing all day. I can’t wait for you to get here.

I miss you.

All my love,

Hermione

-ooo-

Dear Hermione,

You are so evil! Do you have any idea what my imagination is capable of, after watching you try on swimsuits that day? And why wouldn’t I believe that a guy would ask you out? He would be daft not to! And if you look anything like what I’m imagining, while you’re lying out on that lounge chair, I wouldn’t be surprised if every guy on the beach was after you! I think I’d better get there as soon as possible to protect you.

Fleur will be glad to pick you up. Send Hedwig to her with directions. Keep in mind that she’s not at all familiar with the muggle parts of France, so you should pick a place for you to meet that’s easy for a witch to find.

I’ll see you on the 9th. I can’t wait.

I miss you.

Love,

Harry

-oooOOOooo-

Rose was wide-eyed throughout this episode, and spoke up as soon as Hermione finished. “So that’s what you meant!”

Hermione raised an eyebrow in question.

“Back when we first started reading, and I asked you about how you acted so weird in the sixth book,” the sharp young girl explained. “You said that wasn’t really you. This is what you meant. You didn’t even go to Hogwarts for your sixth year?”

Hermione smiled. “You’ll just have to wait until we get to that part and see.”

“Mum!”

-xox-XOX-XOX-xox-