Soul Searching/End Game
SS Chapter 10 - Relationships Re-examined
By Chem Prof
This chapter has the potential to annoy both Harry/Hermione and Harry/Ginny fans. Guess I'm just a glutton for punishment!
Chapter 10, Relationships Re-examined
July 8
Hermione was swimming laps in the Granger pool, thinking how nice it was that they could still come over to do this every day. It probably wouldn’t last much longer. In a few days they would be going to the Burrow for the wedding, and it was still uncertain what would happen after that, but they would likely be very busy.
Harry had moved into his aunt and uncle’s house, but he and Hermione had decided it would be too awkward for her to move in with him, so she had stayed in the house on Turnbull Court. He was only spending nights at Privet Drive, and they still had their mirrors to communicate, so she hardly missed him. He would be joining her later to get in some laps of his own. Since she was by herself, she wore only her swimsuit bottom, and she hoped to be able to catch a little sun before Harry arrived.
Their days recently had been taken up with training with Remus and Tonks. Hermione and Harry were becoming very good at fighting together as a team. They could now hold their own against the Auror and the werewolf.
As might be expected, Hermione specialized in the defensive charms while Harry mastered the offensive jinxes, although each of them learned all the spells. Harry’s quickness, which enabled him to launch spells faster than any of the others, and Hermione’s uncanny ability to instantly recognize and counter any spell combined to offset the advantage in experience and knowledge of the adults.
They had also noticed that the power of their spells had been increasing. Remus had responded that their magic was similar to their physical condition – just as their exercise and weight lifting were making them physically stronger, their long, daily practice sessions were making their spell casting more powerful.
In addition, Hermione had also spent a lot of time studying and practicing protective charms, with the result that the empty Granger house was probably the most heavily warded structure in England. She was particularly proud of a Confundus ward that made it so anyone who didn’t already know where it was would discover that it was almost impossible to find. That had caused a problem one day at the houseminder service when a new employee had been sent out, only to report back an hour later that he was unable to locate the house.
Ron had joined them for some of their training, but he had to maintain his cover working at WWW, so he was somewhat behind them in the development of fighting skills and tactics. Ron was now able to apparate to the living room in the safe house, to Grimmauld Place, and to Harry’s bedroom on Privet Drive, so they had four secure escape destinations counting Fred and George’s back room. But for the anti-apparation wards at the Burrow, they would have added one there also.
The three had had several discussions about their search strategy. They had shaken off the disappointment of not finding the locket at Grimmauld Place, and were still optimistic. They had decided that there ought to be one at Hogwarts, and the Chamber of Secrets was the best guess as to where that one was hidden. They would be going there later in the month. Harry had told them that Dumbledore thought that Voldemort was planning to make one when he attacked Harry as a baby, so they were looking forward to what they might discover at Godric’s Hollow. With their idea to get the Ministry to convert the Improper Use of Magic Office to Death Eater detection, they would have a busy month.
Harry was lost in thought as he apparated with the tiniest of pops into the Granger garden, and didn’t notice until he walked up to the pool that Hermione was in it. He stopped just as he was about to call out a greeting when he noticed that she was swimming topless. A sly grin appeared on his face as he thought of a prank he could use to get her back for her tease of two weeks earlier. He quietly slipped inside and changed into his suit and snuck out to the pool.
Hermione didn’t notice Harry sitting in the lounge chair until she was ready to climb out of the pool. Slightly disappointed that she wouldn’t be able to sunbathe the way she wanted, she raised her head above the side of the pool and called out, “Harry, I didn’t hear you come. How long have you been here?”
“Long enough,” Harry answered with a smirk. Hermione frowned. What was that about? She had been swimming face down the whole time, so he wouldn’t have been able to see anything.
“Can you toss me my top, please?”
“What top?”
“The top for my bikini, you prat!”
“Sorry, no top here anywhere.” His smirk was getting bigger.
Realization dawned on Hermione. He’s trying to prank me! It’s a pretty good one, too. How am I going to get out of this? She decided to try one more time. “OK, could you just bring me a towel then?”
“Sorry, there don’t seem to be any spare towels either.” His smirk was now becoming insufferable.
Hermione considered her predicament. If she gave in he would win, and would probably demand some embarrassing concession from her. She hated losing. An idea came into her head.
The loser in a prank was the one who was most embarrassed. Who would be more embarrassed if she climbed out of the pool and let him see her topless, him or her? She was certain he had never seen any woman’s breasts before, let alone his best friend’s. She, on the other hand, had been topless in front of lots of guys on the beaches in France and he wouldn’t have been aware of this.
Still, it was one thing to bare yourself to strangers on a beach where most of the other girls were dong the same, quite another to do it to your best friend where it was just the two of you. She sighed and made her decision.
Harry was still thinking of what he was going to make Hermione do once she started pleading with him when he saw her put her hands on the edge of the pool and hoist herself up. He froze in shock, unable to take his eyes off of her as she climbed to her feet and casually walked over to him. His eyes followed her every move as she reached her arms up and back to wring out her hair. Eeep! Then she laid down on her stomach (thank God!) on the lounge next to him and turned and smiled at him.
Despite her casual demeanor, Hermione’s heart was pounding as she walked toward Harry. Could she really pull this off? She couldn’t help but notice his shocked expression and the fact that he could not look away. Devilishly, she couldn’t resist adding the motion that would really get his attention when she raised her arms up to her hair. She laid down on the lounge and turned to him and smiled in triumph.
“Hermione?” Harry’s voice squeaked.
She had won! “Yes?” she answered calmly.
“You can have your top back now.” His voice was still unnaturally high.
Total victory! “That’s OK, I don’t need it after all,” she said sweetly, still smiling at him.
Harry’s mind raced. She had really gotten him this time. He had to get his voice under control and stop breathing so hard. A thought came to him. Maybe he could salvage a little out of this one. He waited until he thought he could speak normally. “Hermione?”
“Mmhmm?” She was still smiling broadly at him.
“You remember the conversation we had that night about how guys compare girls’ um …breasts?”
“Yes?” The smile was a little more hesitant now.
“Well, yours are perfect.”
Hermione turned pink at this as Harry looked over with a tentative smile. Drat. He had got her just a little after all. Still, even if it wasn’t a total victory it was still a win. She forced a bright smile on her face and propped herself up slightly on her elbows. “Why thank you Harry. How sweet of you to say so.”
Harry gulped and decided it was time for a swim.
Hermione had noticed Harry’s physical reaction. It was hard to miss, with that nice tight swimsuit he wears, she smiled to herself. After watching him fly through the water for a good fifteen minutes, she decided she should talk to him to make sure he understood everything that had happened. She found her top under Harry’s towel, put it on and went over to sit on the edge of the pool and waited.
Harry’s mind churned as fast as his arms as he raced back and forth across the pool.
‘I can’t believe she did that!’
‘She sure looked good, though didn’t she?’
‘Stop it! You can’t think that about your best friend. Your sister, remember?’
‘Even best friends can look good, can’t they?’
‘What about the reaction you had?’
‘I’m a guy, what do you expect?’
‘You should be able to control yourself. What’s she going to think?’
‘She’ll think she got me excited. What do you suppose she was trying to do?’
‘She was getting you back. What did you expect?’
‘Wow, who knew Hermione was so …’
‘Don’t go there!’
‘Right.’
‘Anyway, you’ve seen her in a bikini top. You already knew pretty much what her …’
‘It’s not the same, OK?’
‘How do you think Ron would react if he saw Ginny like that?’
‘Huh. After he threw a blanket over her you mean?’
Harry’s thoughts drifted to what Ginny would look like similarly attired. Even Ron would have to admit that Ginny looked really …Yikes! Ron would definitely kill him if he could see his reaction to that thought. Harry tried to focus on his swimming and drive the image of a topless Ginny out of his head. It took quite some time.
Eventually, Harry was worn out, and as he swam over to get out he noticed Hermione sitting there. He climbed out and sat down next to her.
“I just wanted to make sure you were OK with what happened” she began. “I don’t want you to feel bad.”
“I think I got it figured out. I just didn’t expect you to be so bold.”
“It wasn’t as bold as you think. But you didn’t leave me with much choice. You didn’t expect me to give in, did you?”
“Well, I did, but I should have known better. You always win.”
“You just remember that and we’ll get along just fine.”
“Yes ma’am!”
After a moment she continued, “I noticed the reaction you had. Are you OK about that?”
“Are you?”
“Of course. You’re a guy. It’s natural the first time you see a girl like that.”
“That’s what I was hoping you’d say. Can I tell you something?”
“Certainly. You know that.”
“I was thinking about how Ron would feel if he saw Ginny like that. Then I thought about Ginny like that. Then, well, I sort of reacted again.”
“You, Harry Potter, are a great boyfriend. Every girl would kill to have a boyfriend like that.”
“What do you mean?”
“You see an attractive girl and it makes you think of your girlfriend. And you react more to the thought of your girlfriend than to the girl in front of you.”
“Oh. I also did that the other day when you were wearing that suit with the bottom …”
“It’s called a thong.”
“Right, that suit with the thong bottom. I thought of Ginny in one and I had to jump into the pool.”
“Like I said, you are the greatest boyfriend in the world.”
“Anyway, I was thinking of what Ron would think about Ginny. I think he knows how attractive she is, but I don’t think he would ever tell her.”
“No, Ron wouldn’t, but Bill would.”
“Bill?”
“Bill’s often told Ginny how nice she looks and complimented other things about her. It’s done wonders for her confidence. And she really needed it after the Chamber.”
“How do you know all that?”
“I’m her best friend. We talk about stuff like that.”
“Bill’s a pretty great guy, isn’t he?”
“So are you, Harry. You give me compliments and make me feel good about myself.”
“So I’m a good brother?”
“The best.”
“I still shouldn’t have stared at you though.”
“Harry, I need to tell you something that you probably didn’t realize. My family vacations in the French Riviera a lot. Many of the girls don’t wear their bikini tops on the beaches there.”
“In public? You’re kidding!”
“No, actually, it’s not uncommon on the continent. Girls also go topless in Germany, Scandinavia, Italy, Spain …”
“All of which you’ve been to no doubt.”
“Of course. Girls in Britain don’t do it as much, though.”
“Just girls like you who travel a lot?”
“To some extent. At least that’s where my mum and I picked it up. Anyway, at those beaches there are always guys, often Brits but especially Americans, who are seeing topless girls for the first time. They always stare, and often have a reaction at first, but after a while they’re in control and can sit and talk to a topless girl with no reaction at all.”
“Hard to believe. Whoops, sorry. Bad pun.”
“Ugh. No kidding.”
Hermione continued. “There’d also be families there. I’d watch how the families would interact, especially the brothers and sisters. Some of the brothers were overprotective, but some of them were just so nice. They’d watch out for their sisters but would also tell them things like how nice they looked. I always wished for a brother who would tell me I looked nice. Mum and Dad do, but that’s not the same. All parents think their daughters are pretty. But I wanted a brother like Ginny has with Bill who would make me feel good about myself.”
She paused and looked at Harry and smiled. “And now I have one.” And with that she reached over and gave him a big hug.
As they got up and went over to their lounges and were drying themselves, Harry summoned up his courage and said, “S-so, if you went topless in front of me you think I’d eventually get used to it?” He was still struggling with this concept.
“Maybe. You got used to the small bikinis OK. I don’t think we can try it until next summer, though.”
“Why not?” He tried not to sound disappointed.
“Because after the wedding Ron is going to be with us. I really don’t think he would be able to handle it.”
Harry snorted. That was for sure. Then he had an idea. “Well, maybe that would make him notice you and you know, maybe …?”
“No.” Hermione sighed. “I’m not going to go after his weakness. That’s just not me. He might enjoy it for a while but eventually he’d look at me like some kind of ‘scarlet woman’. And how desperate must I be if I have to take off my clothes to get him to notice me?”
She turned toward him and got serious. “Harry, I really hate the kind of person I turned into last year. I am not going to go after him any more. If that means nothing ever happens between us, I can live with it.”
Harry nodded his understanding.
Hermione got another evil grin on her face. “But maybe I can have Ginny over some time and the two of us can try it.”
Harry’s eyes glazed over. Then he stiffened. “Hermione! Cut it out!”
“Don’t worry about it Harry, just roll over on your stomach until it goes away.” She was laughing so hard she couldn’t stand up and just curled up on her lounge shaking.
They talked and teased and laughed for the rest of the afternoon. Harry noticed Hermione gradually going silent and he knew something was bothering her. He waited, knowing she would tell him when she was ready.
All the talk about boyfriends and girlfriends had an effect on Hermione. This had been on her mind for a while and she thought this might be a good time to ask.
“Harry?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course. You know that.”
“I know. And I trust you too. That’s why I think I can ask you this.” Hermione paused a long time, while Harry waited patiently. “Will you kiss me?”
“What!”
Hermione was very nervous and her words started slowly but then came tumbling out. “Back when you first came that night when you were talking about snogging, you said Ginny told Ron that I had snogged Viktor but I didn’t really.”
“You didn’t kiss Viktor?”
“He tried to kiss me after the Yule Ball, but I was so surprised I didn’t kiss him back. And after that he tried a few times to get me alone, but … well I was still hoping for Ron then, but the biggest reason I ignored him was because I was spending all my time trying to keep you alive.”
Harry felt bad at this. “So I was keeping you apart.”
Hermione sensed what he was feeling. “No, even if it hadn’t been for that it wouldn’t have worked out with Viktor. He was too old for me and he lived in Bulgaria – my parents weren’t too happy about it either.”
“So anyway, I’ve never kissed anyone. And I’ve always wanted my first kiss to be with someone special and no one’s more special to me than you and we do like each other and it wouldn’t need to be serious or …” she broke off and looked at him hopefully.
Harry took her hand and pulled her to her feet. He could do this for his best friend. It wasn’t like it was going to be unpleasant. He smiled at her and she smiled back shyly. As he leaned toward her she parted her lips slightly and closed her eyes. He moved forward.
Her lips were soft and sweet. It felt nice and pleasant and comfortable. It felt warm and safe and relaxing. It felt like Hermione. He nibbled lightly at her lower lip, then moved to her upper lip. She responded in kind. Finally he just pressed his lips gently against hers.
Kissing Hermione was very different than kissing Ginny. There was a familiarity to it, but not the passion, as if they were just friends exchanging an intimate moment and nothing more.
After about ten seconds he broke the kiss and pulled away. Hermione just stood there with her eyes closed and a smile on her face. “Mmmm,” she said dreamily. “That was so nice. Just like I always dreamed a first kiss should be.”
Harry was a little uneasy. First?
Hermione quickly tried to put him at ease. “I didn’t mean it like there would be a second and third and so on for us, I meant it as my first real kiss from a boy.” She affected a dreamy expression. “Just think, I’ll be able to tell my grandchildren that my first kiss was from the famous Harry Potter.”
Harry immediately picked up on it. “Hey, I’m going to be able to say that I gave the famous Hermione Granger, the first muggle-born Minister of Magic, her first kiss!”
Hermione smiled and punched him in the arm, then became more serious and continued, “Don’t worry Harry, I’m very happy with the relationship we have now. But if we were normal people in normal times, we might decide to see if it could work out between us. We might start with holding hands, then a tentative first kiss. That could lead to more and we might fall in love. But there’s too much happening in our lives to even think about that now, not to mention that you already have a girlfriend.”
She saw that he had relaxed, then smiled and said, “It was a nice kiss, though.”
Harry thought a bit. “It was certainly better than the time I kissed Cho.”
Hermione was delighted to hear this. She had never thought Harry and Cho were right for each other. Even though it had been inadvertent, she was secretly glad that she had had at least a part in their breakup. “You only kissed her the one time, then?”
Harry nodded.
Hermione couldn’t resist. “And how about Ginny?”
Harry turned bright red. “Uh, that’s not exactly the same way that I kiss Ginny.”
“Well I hope not!” and they both laughed.
Harry thought about what she had said earlier. “That falling in love bit you just went on about. Is that from a story you read?”
Hermione blushed. “You caught me. No, actually my mum told me that before she left. That’s what happened with her and my dad. They were real good friends like we are, then one day they just started holding hands, and it gradually developed into a romance. She’s hoping it will work that way for us.”
She noticed that he was staring at her by now. “Harry, they really like you. She’d like to have you for a son-in-law.” Now he looked like he was going to go into shock. “Harry! I’m sure Mrs. Weasley has been hoping for you as a son-in-law for years! Probably at least half of the parents from Hogwarts would say the same thing.”
She moved closer to him and took both of his hands to calm him down. “Harry, I’m perfectly satisfied to be best friends with you. That’s absolutely what’s best for both of us right now. Maybe in a few years after this is all over and if we’re both single, we might want to give it a try. But right here, right now all I want is to be your best friend and for you to be my best friend.”
She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest; he quickly responded by putting his arms around her and they both held each other tight. It didn’t matter that they were wearing the briefest of clothing. It didn’t matter that his hands were caressing her bare back or that her hands were doing the same. It didn’t matter that only a couple of small scraps of fabric separated her breasts from his chest. He was perfectly comfortable now. She was Hermione. She was his closest friend. And that was just fine.
-ooOoo-
Eventually they packed up their things and apparated back to the house on Turnbull Court for supper. They talked about their upcoming plans for a while, but when they finished Hermione asked Harry to wait a bit before returning to Privet Drive. She led him over to the couch.
Harry beat her to it. “OK, what serious discussion do we need to have this time? We’ve pretty much covered everything about you and me, haven’t we?”
“This time it’s about you and Ginny.”
Harry was silent as he locked eyes with Hermione. She knew him well enough to know that he would be uncomfortable talking about this, and he knew her well enough to know that she wouldn’t be satisfied with his standard ‘everything’s fine’ answer but that she would accept it. He recalled their conversation a few weeks ago about not keeping things to himself unnecessarily. He knew he could trust her.
“It was the strangest thing, you know? I felt like a different person when I was with her, like I was living someone else’s life. It was wonderful; I could forget about everything and be a normal guy with his girl. I didn’t have to think about prophecies or Voldemort or Death Eaters …” He gazed wistfully into the darkness.
“That’s why I had to break up with her. I knew I needed to go back to my real life, to do what I knew I had to do. I didn’t have the luxury of being a normal person any longer.”
Hermione’s heart broke at these words. She knew that it was what he had wanted for so long – to be normal – and he felt he had to give it up. Uncharacteristically, she couldn’t find any words to comfort him or tell him he was wrong. “So you never told her anything? Not about the prophecy or what you were doing with Dumbledore or …”
“No! I couldn’t, don’t you see? I didn’t want to think about that stuff while I was with her. It would have ruined my dream world with her.”
“Is that being fair to her? Doesn’t she deserve to be a part of your ‘real’ life? Do you expect her to just wait until you’re finished with your destiny so you can come back and pick up where you left off?”
“No, I guess it wasn’t fair. But it doesn’t matter now. I can’t be with her until this is over. It would just be too dangerous for her.”
“You’d better hope she’s willing to wait that long.”
“What do you mean?”
“Harry, Ginny’s one of the most popular girls at Hogwarts. When she said last year that she had chosen Dean Thomas she wasn’t kidding. She had at least half a dozen offers. After she broke up with Dean this year there were guys lined up to ask her out. Since you had been hanging around her and showing so much interest she decided to wait and see if you would do anything. At the party after the last quidditch match she told me she was tired of waiting and was going to jump you as soon as you came through the door.”
Harry just stared at her. He knew Ginny was a popular girl, but he hadn’t realized… Then he suddenly remembered what she had told him when he broke up with her. That she had never given up on him. So she was ready and waiting for him … he smiled briefly.
Then he remembered what else she had said. “Hermione, Ginny said something that day that still bothers me. She said that she knew that I was breaking up with her for some noble reason, that she knew that I wouldn’t be happy unless I was hunting Voldemort.”
“I know, you told us that before.”
“But then she said, ‘That’s why I like you so much.’”
Hermione tried to stifle a gasp. Oh no, Ginny, you couldn’t have said that!
Harry either didn’t hear her gasp or ignored it as he continued, “For a minute there, she sounded like a fan girl. I know she used to have that crush on me and it was probably because I was the Boy Who Lived, but she must have gotten over that by now, hasn’t she Hermione? Doesn’t Ginny know me better than that?”
Hermione recovered enough to sound reassuring. “I’m sure she does, Harry. But don’t you see? You know you’re going to see her this summer, and you’ll be spending at least some time with her. You have to talk to her, give her more of an idea what’s going on in your real life. Make sure she knows the real you.”
“I think I understand what you’re trying to say Hermione. I’ll think about it.” They both stood up and hugged each other. “Good night, Hermione. Thanks for caring enough to talk to me about stuff even though I try to keep it to myself.”
Hermione laughed. “That’s what I’m here for Harry. See you tomorrow.”
Harry apparated back to his room at Privet Drive, and Hermione went into her room and got ready for bed. But sleep did not come quickly to either that night. Interestingly, what each had said was causing the other to rethink their positions.
Hermione was not at all sure anymore that Ginny was the girl for Harry. Had she really not gotten over her hero worship? She fretted a long time before falling asleep.
Harry thought a long time about what he should tell Ginny. Maybe he did owe her more of the truth. After all she had been through with him, she probably deserved it. He pondered this until sleep finally came for him too.
-xox-XOX-XOX-xox-
I know it’s not very likely, but I wanted them to kiss and this was the best way that I could come up with. Jeconais has written several stories where Harry and Hermione love each other as friends
even though they’re in a relationship with someone else. In one, White Knight, Grey Queen, they even kiss. I borrowed a line from that story to help describe Harry’s reaction to the
kiss.
The topless Hermione scene was inspired by a similar scene in Melindaleo’s Curse of the Damned. In that scene the Weasley boys and Harry are skinnydipping and Ginny and Hermione steal
their clothes. Fred decides to take the dare and walks out of the water and right up to Hermione stark naked and takes his clothes back. Hermione can’t take her eyes off of him.