Soul Searching/End Game
EG Chapter 7 - Ron's Secret
By Chem Prof
Chapter 7, Ron’s Secret
At first the attacks by the vampires terrified the wizarding community, and Hogwarts was no exception. But while they were brutal, they were relatively few in number. After awhile, the initial shock wore off and the danger was put into perspective. Every few days, a few more people died. When it came right down to it, they had no more effect on the students’ lives than the Death Eater attacks that had gone on during the previous year. Once they realized this, the students were able to ignore them for the most part and focus on more immediate concerns. As September turned into October, two topics began to dominate the conversations of the Hogwarts students. Quidditch and the Halloween dance.
Ron and Ginny had selected the remainder of their teammates and introduced them to Harry. For the beaters they had two fifth year Hufflepuffs, Dan Jacob and Reggie Mitchell. Ginny had picked out a sixth year Ravenclaw named Jenny Troutman for one of the chasers, and Travis Davis, the younger brother of Tracey Davis and a fourth year from Slytherin, had agreed to be their other chaser. Ginny would be the reserve seeker, and they had also lined up a reserve beater and two reserve chasers, one of whom was also the reserve keeper.
In all ten teams had been formed, meaning that the new format had succeeded as well as they could possible have hoped. Their former Gryffindor teammates, Demelza Robbins, Jimmy Peakes, and Ritchie Coote, had got together with some of last year’s quidditch players from other houses and looked to be one of the better teams. As Hermione had indicated, the other seventh year prefects had a team of their own. She had coaxed Harry into going out with her and Padma several times to practice seeking and they had eventually concluded that she preferred being a chaser and that Padma was more suited to being a seeker.
Due to the number of teams Ron, Charlie, and Madam Hooch decided to have two divisions of five teams each that would play a round robin schedule, with the winners from each division meeting for the Quidditch Cup. Harry was relieved that the prefect team was in the other division. That meant that they wouldn’t have to play each other and he could root for Hermione and his other friends and they could root for his team.
With this setup there would need to be twenty games plus the final. It was decided to schedule one game a week every Saturday starting in November. Allowing for some weeks off during December and January for bad weather, they would finish in May with the Quidditch Cup final played the first weekend in June. It was shaping up to be a very interesting quidditch season.
In the interest of fairness, and to keep things in perspective, the ten teams would each be permitted to practice one evening a week using the two practice fields, and could also schedule a two hour block of time during the weekend. The main stadium would remain available for pickup games during the week and on Sundays.
-ooOoo-
For Harry, the issue of the Halloween dance was not so easily resolved. McGonagall had thrown him a curve when she announced that they should attend with a partner from another house. He had expected that Hermione would be his date for any dance this year. After discussing it with her, they decided that as Head Students they should set an example and follow the headmistress’s suggestion. Unfortunately for Harry, that meant it was open season on the ‘even more fanciable than ever’ Chosen One.
His initial thought had been to ask Luna to be his partner, as he had done for Slughorn’s party last December. That plan was derailed when he learned that Ron, acting with uncharacteristic decisiveness where the opposite sex was concerned, had already asked her to go with him. (Just as friends, he quickly pointed out to everyone.) Soon it seemed that every fifth, sixth, and seventh year non-Gryffindor girl he knew, and quite a few he didn’t, had made subtle and not so subtle inquiries into Harry’s plans for the dance.
At first Harry thought he might go with one of the DA members, Padma, Hannah, or Susan, but he didn’t want to pick one at the expense of the others. And whomever he picked would immediately be the subject of gossip from the rest of the school. But the main problem, which he didn’t reveal to Hermione, was that he was concerned about her.
To his surprise, she hadn’t received a single offer from any of the guys to be their date. And he didn’t want to have a date if she didn’t. So eventually he suggested and she agreed that they would both announce that they would go as singles to the dance as the best solution to his dilemma. What Harry hadn’t realized was that there were several guys who had in fact noticed Hermione, and were considering asking her, but were waiting to make sure that she wasn’t going to go with him.
Ginny had much the same problem as Harry had. As soon as they found out that she was going to follow Harry and Hermione’s example and not attend the dance as Neville’s date, guys were all over her. Harry had to just grit his teeth and keep quiet, but she managed to fend them off without assistance. He was amused to hear her grumble one day that ‘that git Michael Corner had even asked her’. Eventually she decided to spurn them all and attend with one of their new quidditch teammates, Reggie Mitchell. (Following Ron’s example, just as friends.)
The other challenge for the dance was finding suitable clothing, particularly for the girls. Hermione had anticipated this problem, and had asked Mrs. Creevey to send her some mail order catalogs for women’s fashions. She distributed several catalogs to each house common room and soon girls all over Hogwarts were turning the pages and oohing and aahing over the fancy muggle dresses.
As the only muggleborn girl in the elite DA, Hermione found herself consulting with quite a few of them about their outfits. Between Justin Finch-Fletchly, Dean Thomas, and Colin and Dennis Creevey there were plenty of muggleborn guys to offer advice. And Dean, Colin, and Dennis were more than capable of advising the boys in Gryffindor tower, which greatly relieved Harry since he considered his own fashion sense to be nearly non-existent.
Ted and Andromeda Tonks took advantage of this dance in their muggle studies classes. During the month before the dance they discussed muggle fashion, and soon all of the first, fourth, and seventh year students at least had some idea of what they were expected to wear, and were able to clue in their housemates in the other years. They also arranged for a booth from a muggle resale shop that specialized in dressy clothing, to be available at the first Hogwarts merchant festival for anyone who didn’t want to spend money on a brand new outfit that they might never wear again.
In lieu of the Hogsmeade weekend that would have normally been scheduled for October 26, McGonagall had arranged for several merchants to set up temporary booths in the courtyard that day. There would be representatives from Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes (operating out of the former Zonko’s premises), Honeydukes , Dervish & Bangs, and Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop, in addition to outdoor dining with food and beverages provided by Madame Rosmerta and The Three Broomsticks.
Just when he thought he had everything covered for the dance (he was going to let Hermione pick out clothing for him to wear) Harry returned to the Heads suite one Friday night with Ginny to find Hermione and Neville dancing across the common room. The still somewhat awkward Gryffindor had been nervous about his dancing ability and Hermione had offered to teach him.
Realizing that it was an opportunity to brush up on their own skills, Harry and Ginny joined them. After a while they switched partners and by the end of the evening everyone was comfortable with the dance steps Hermione taught them. And Harry once more realized what he had discovered in July, how much he enjoyed dancing with Ginny and Hermione. While he knew that he would be expected to dance with girls from other houses at the Halloween dance, he hoped that there would some opportunity to dance with them as well.
-ooOoo-
During the second week of October, Harry received more news from Viktor. His computer people had been plotting the locations of all the vampire attacks, and the police inspector working with them had deduced a pattern to the assaults. Armed with the crossbows Fred and George had designed, his strike team had apparated into the middle of one of the attacks. In the bloody battle that followed, several of the vampires had been killed and many more injured and captured. The rest of them quickly lost interest in fighting for a dark lord whose followers kept getting killed, and the attacks subsided.
Unfortunately, several of Viktor’s fighters had been seriously injured and would be out of action for a while. That left his force even more depleted than it had been, and the giant attacks were expected any time. On the plus side, Major Thompson had obtained three of the MILAN antitank launchers along with plenty of missiles. He had trained six of Viktor’s men in their operation, so they were as ready for the giants as they could be.
As a result of this development, Harry focussed the DA’s training on battling giants. With Hagrid’s assistance Hermione had managed to explain to Grawp how he could help them and the giant was willing to do anything for his friend Hermy.
Their idea was to transfigure marbles into bowling ball sized projectiles, and banish them at the giants like cannon balls. For their practice, they used marshmallows that were transfigured to pillow sized and hurled them at Grawp. (Harry smiled as he recalled the expression of disbelief on Viktor’s face when Hermione had asked him to have Mrs. Creevey get them a case of marshmallows and send it by owl.) Grawp was delighted when he discovered he could catch and eat the attacking objects. Several times Hermione had to stop Ron from following his example and eating the ammunition.
When Rita Skeeter’s article came out they were delighted. It focused on Viktor with only minor mention of his friendship with Harry. It portrayed him as an idealistic young man who, in a chance meeting at his friend’s wedding that had renewed his friendship with his fellow Tri Wizard contestant, and hearing from him about what had been happening in Britain, had been inspired to volunteer his services to the Ministry, and to recruit many of his friends from all over Europe to join in the fight against You-Know-Who.
-ooOoo-
Saturday, October 18
Harry still didn’t understand what was going on with Ron. His best mate didn’t appear to be mad at him and was friendly enough during training and quidditch practice. He just didn’t seem to want to spend time with Harry with just the two of them.
Their team had their first quidditch game that day and it was a smashing success. Ginny and Ron had both been brilliant, with Ginny scoring more goals herself than Ron allowed for the entire opposing team. The opposing seeker was playing in her first match, and was clearly intimidated by going up against the great Harry Potter. She spent the whole match following Harry around timidly, and Harry knew that there was no way she was going to even spot the snitch, let alone catch it.
When the score reached 250 to 80 Ron put in a reserve chaser and a reserve beater, to allow them some playing time. Finally, after they had played for more than an hour and his teammates were satisfied with their play, Harry zoomed off behind the opposing goal and grabbed the snitch, which he had been tracking for some time.
At the postgame celebration Harry had asked Ron if he wanted to study together, but Ron had pointed out that they only had two classes together, and he was caught up in both of them. Harry then offered to help him with his Muggle Studies but Ron declined that also.
Harry had even asked Hermione if she knew any reason why Ron seemed so distant this year, but she was as mystified as he was. He tried to remember an argument they had had but couldn’t come up with anything. They hadn’t really spent enough time together to even have an argument. Ron had assured him that he was OK with Harry not coming out to play quidditch very often. And he hadn’t missed any official practices.
Then it hit him. Trying to remember the last time they had talked one on one Harry realized it had been back during the summer. On Ginny’s birthday. When he had told Ron he was going to pretend to date Hermione. And Ron had flipped out.
Harry’s stomach churned. Despite what he had claimed, Ron must have been interested in Hermione all along. And Harry had taken her away from him. It was so obvious he didn’t know why he hadn’t realized it before. So what was he going to do about it?
He and Ron had sword training on Wednesday night. He would make Ron stay afterward and talk about it then.
-ooOoo-
By Wednesday evening Harry’s nerves were starting to get to him. Hermione had picked up on it and asked him what was wrong, but he insisted everything was fine. The look she gave him made it clear she wasn’t buying it, but she let it go.
The rigors of sword practice temporarily demanded his full concentration, but as soon as it was over his nervousness returned. After their instructor complimented the pair on how well they were doing and left the third floor training room, Harry told Ron he wanted to stay and talk. In his anxiety he didn’t notice that Ron was even more nervous than he was.
“Ron, I figured out what’s been going on.” Harry paused and took a breath, and missed the panicked look that took over Ron’s face.
“It’s about Hermione, isn’t it? You fancy her don’t you?”
“Harry, I … you … I what?” Ron had started answering before Harry had finished, and it took a second for him to process what Harry had said.
“You’ve been avoiding me ever since Ginny’s birthday, when I told you I was going to pretend to date Hermione. That’s what the problem is, right? You’re mad at me because I stole Hermione from you.”
Ron just stared at Harry, unable to say anything. Slowly his face turned red, then white. Finally Harry could see him visibly pull himself together as he appeared to make a decision.
“Harry look. You’re right that I was shaken up that day, and I’ve kinda been avoiding you, but you’ve got it all wrong.” Harry waited, unconvinced, while Ron paused, seemingly terrified about what he was going to say next. “Harry, promise me you won’t kill me after what I’m going to tell you.”
Harry nodded dumbly. This was not the way he had expected this conversation to go.
“Lastyearigaveyoualovepotion.”
“What!” Harry thought he heard what his best friend had just told him but knew he must have misunderstood.
Since Harry hadn’t exploded yet, Ron gave it another go. “Last year, I gave you a love potion to get you to fall in love with Ginny.” Harry just stared at Ron, totally dumbstruck while his brain attempted to come to grips with what he had just heard. Without realizing it, he slowly backed away from Ron until he hit the wall of the training room, then slid to the floor.
Ron finally broke the silence. “The way I reacted when you told me what you were planning wasn’t about Hermione, it was because I was so desperate for you to be with Ginny and I went spare when I thought you weren’t going to be with her anymore.”
Harry turned to face his friend, who had joined him on the floor, with a blank expression.
“Why?”
Ron shrugged. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to admit that he had been so insecure about his friendship with Harry that he thought he might lose him. Fortunately for him, Harry didn’t pursue the question because his mind suddenly went in another direction.
“Wait, that’s impossible. When you accidentally ate those chocolates from Romilda Vane you got all crazy, yelling that you loved her and wanted her and everything. I never did that with Ginny.”
Ron snorted. “That love potion was a prank that Fred and George sell. That would have got her a quick snog and then after it wore off you would have known exactly what happened. No girl who really wants a guy to fall for them would use something as blatant as that.”
“So, what did you do?” asked Harry, still in a daze.
“I used a real love potion. If you do it right it makes someone decide they want the other person without realizing what’s happening. You use it in small amounts over time instead of a big dose all at once.”
“How do you know so much about love potions?” This seemed so out of character for Ron
“Oh. My mum talks about them once in a while. I overheard her telling Ginny about them a few times. I think she used one on my dad,” Ron explained. “Oh, and before you ask, please believe me that Ginny had no idea what I was doing. She was still going with Dean when I started using it on you.” It finally hit Harry then. Ron was talking about this so matter-of-factly. This was not a joke. His feelings for Ginny hadn’t been real!
“So, everything I feel for Ginny is all fake?” said Harry in anguish, feeling like his whole world was being turned upside down.
“No! That’s not it at all. Love potions don’t create real love, they cause you to be obsessed with the girl. Once they wear off if there isn’t real feeling there it doesn’t go anywhere. What you’re feeling for her now is real.”
Before Harry could ask, Ron answered his next question. “I stopped giving it to you the day you kissed her after the last quidditch match. See, it was just to get you to notice her. Once that happened, everything was fine. I knew you two would be perfect together, you just needed a little push.”
Harry thought he should be angry and yell at Ron for meddling in his life. But he just felt numb. He tried to recall when he had first noticed having feelings for Ginny. He had pretty much ignored her during the summer when he was with her every day for more than a month at the Burrow. It wasn’t until that time he had caught her and Dean snogging in the corridor that the monster within him had erupted. Ron was right; that had been more of an obsession than anything else. But once he had kissed Ginny and then started spending time with her as his girlfriend, his feelings for her had really developed.
Then he thought about the Amortentia that Slughorn had showed them in Potions class. He had smelled a fragrance there that he later associated with Ginny. That must have been due to the love potion. But how?
“So the love potion must have been keyed to Ginny. How did you manage that?”
Ron looked surprised. “Mate you’ve never lived with a girl with long hair.”
“Actually, yes I have,” Harry reminded him.
“Right, then you know you can find one of their hairs on the furniture pretty much any time you like. All I had to do was add it to the potion.”
Harry was silent once more. Now that he thought about it, the way he had all of a sudden flipped out over Ginny was pretty unrealistic. But what he was feeling for her now was more natural, right? But – how could he ever be sure it would have happened without the potion?
The questions and doubt continued their assault on his mind. The whole thing just seemed wrong. That wasn’t supposed to be how it worked. You were supposed to gradually become closer to the other person, and slowly fall in love as you got to know them better. And that was what he was doing with Ginny now. Wasn’t it?
“Harry?” Ron said hesitantly. “Look mate, I’m really sorry about all of this. Are … are we going to be OK?
Harry finally looked directly at Ron. His best friend was in agony right now, but he just couldn’t bring himself to tell him that everything was going to be all right. “I … I’m going to have to think about all of this for a while.”
Ron thought for a bit. “Harry, please don’t tell anyone else about this.” He paused. “Especially Ginny … or Hermione.”
Harry finally snapped. “Ron, how can you ask that! Don’t you think Ginny deserves to know how you messed with her life? And how am I supposed to keep something like this from Hermione? You know how well she can read me. She’ll know something’s wrong the minute she looks at me.”
Ron was a total mess. “I know, I know. It’s just … just give me some time, OK?”
Harry wanted to ease his friend’s mind, but didn’t know how he could. “Look,” he finally replied, “it’s going to take me a while to figure this out. I won’t say anything to anyone for now.”
Ron reached over cautiously and clapped Harry on the shoulder, then stood up. “I understand. Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He turned and left the training room.
Harry sat for a while longer, then got up and wandered through the halls of Hogwarts, lost in thought. Without realizing it he ended up out on the Astronomy tower. As he looked up at the stars, he thought about Firenze and the way the centaurs studied the celestial bodies for clues to their fate.
Was falling in love with Ginny something he was fated to do? Would it have been different if Ron had not interfered? Would he have fallen for someone else? Would he even now be wondering about being in love with some other girl? How would the rest of his life be different now had this not happened?
As he pondered this last question, he realized that his relationship with Ginny had really had no effect on anything else that had happened recently. It had had no bearing on Snape’s betrayal or Dumbledore’s death, no effect on any of the things he had done this summer. Nothing to do with the search for the horcruxes or any of the attacks. Nothing to do with his decision to return to Hogwarts or the preparations they were making for the final encounter with Voldemort. None at all.
By contrast, the same certainly could not be said of his relationship with Hermione or Ron. Those relationships had affected just about everything he had done for years. In the primary drama that dominated his life this year, whether he was with Ginny or not really made no difference. He wasn’t sure if he liked that thought or not.
-ooOoo-
He sensed her approach even before she appeared before him. He could feel her concern for him as she stood there, holding the Marauder’s Map. He looked up into her brown eyes from where he sat as she knelt in front of him and saw the worry slowly fade to relief.
As she gazed into his eyes, a look of intense concentration appeared on her face. A second later Hermione’s voice sounded in his head. “You OK?”
She had done it! The brooding temporarily swept from his mind, Harry closed his eyes and thought back. “I’m fine.”
The remainder of the conversation required no skill in telepathy whatsoever, as their body language conveyed everything that needed to be said. Hermione folded her arms across her chest, lowered her head slightly, and glared at him from beneath her eyebrows. You can’t possibly expect me to fall for that one, Potter.
Harry tilted his head to the side a bit and shrugged. It was worth a try.
Hermione added a smirk to her expression. Not a chance.
A grin crept onto Harry’s face. I surrender.
Hermione returned the grin and got to her feet, holding out a hand to help him up. Come on, it’s late, let’s get back to the room.
As they left the Astronomy tower and walked the corridors back to the Head suite, Hermione put her arm around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder. You know I’m here for you, right?
Harry put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. I know, and I appreciate it.
And so the pair returned to their rooms, two best friends who didn’t need words to communicate.
Just before they went through their respective doors, Hermione finally spoke. “You remember our deal, right?”
Harry nodded. At the beginning of the summer he had agreed not to keep things from her unnecessarily and to be more open with her and she had agreed not to nag him to tell her things. “I just need to sort some things out. It may take me a while, though.” Hermione nodded back, satisfied, and they went to bed.
-ooOoo-
Harry was very quiet the next morning during their running and at breakfast, seemingly lost in thought. After several attempts at conversation with him, Hermione and Ginny gave up, with Ginny raising a questioning eyebrow in Hermione’s direction. Hermione said nothing, willing to let him take his time with whatever was bothering him.
It was the same again at lunch. Harry had returned from Defense with some of the first years, and despite their best efforts he was not responding to anything they said. Hermione could see the disappointment on their faces as he ignored them.
“Harry,” she prompted. “Kristin was asking about this weekend.” Harry looked up at her startled, then looked guiltily at Kristin.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said. I’m afraid my mind’s on other things today. I’m probably not being very good company, am I?”
Hermione tried to cover for him. “We have an important training session tonight, and Harry’s probably worried about it.” Harry mumbled something about her being right about that and left the table. Ginny, who had just arrived to join them at the table, gave Hermione another questioning look but Hermione just shrugged.
The message Harry had for the elite DA that night was in fact grim enough that everyone who had noticed his distracted state during the day readily accepted the explanation that Hermione had offered. According to the latest intelligence he had received from Viktor, an attack on Hogsmeade by some giants was likely to take place that weekend. With so few Death Eaters left, Voldemort’s own intelligence was out of date, and he expected to find Hogwarts students in the village for their normally scheduled Hogsmeade visit where they would be vulnerable to attack.
“This is what we’ve been training for people,” Harry told a now very serious group of students. “We hope that the Ministry strike team will take care of everything, but we need to be ready just in case. Make sure you have your coins on you at all times. Does everyone understand their assignments?”
They all nodded, then broke apart for one final practice. The only students who would be permitted to go to the defense of Hogsmeade were those who could apparate or who had their own broomsticks. In essence that meant seventh years plus quidditch players from lower years.
Harry had repeatedly stressed in their training that the most important thing about fighting against giants was staying out of reach. Their defense force had to be mobile. Harry had organized them into attack groups, who would strike at the giants with the large cannon balls, diversion groups, who would fly around out of reach of the giants to keep them distracted, and rescue teams, who would apparate to anyone who was injured and activate a portkey to take them to the Hogwarts infirmary. When he was satisfied that everyone had their assignments down pat, Harry gave them a pep talk and dismissed them.
-ooOoo-
Harry’s mood was no better on Friday than it had been on Thursday. This time Hermione noticed that Ron looked to be in as bad of shape as Harry was. Her eyes narrowed as she recalled that the last thing that Harry had scheduled before she found him on the Astronomy tower Wednesday night was sword practice with Ron.
“Ron,” Hermione asked after Harry had left the table at breakfast, “do you have any idea what’s been bugging Harry lately?” Ginny instantly snapped her head up when she heard this and darted her eyes toward her brother. Ron immediately went pale and muttered something about the DA, then jumped up and nearly ran out of the room. Again Ginny’s eyes met with Hermione’s and again Hermione shook her head. This was getting strange.
The final straw came late that afternoon. No one had seen Harry all day, but that wasn’t unusual because Friday was his normal day to meet with Viktor. Hermione was studying in the Gryffindor common room when Neville came hurrying down the stairs with a note in his hand and rushed over to Ginny.
Hermione grabbed her books and got over to them as quickly as she could, arriving just as Ginny had finished the note.
“What’s going on here?” the younger girl cried, flinging down the note in frustration. “He’s …” she caught herself just in time, noticing the curious looks she was getting from the others in the room. She grabbed Hermione and Neville and pulled them over to a more private part of the room. “He’s called off our date for tonight,” she whispered agitatedly. “What on earth is bothering him?”
Just then her eyes focused on another part of the room and narrowed menacingly. Ron had just climbed through the portrait hole, and was looking wretched. In a flash Ginny was racing across the common room towards him, determined to find out what he knew. Ron however evaded her by dashing up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory and the irritated witch groaned in frustration. Neville hurried up to talk to him, but returned a few minutes later saying Ron didn’t feel like talking to anyone right now.
Dinner was a tense affair at the Gryffindor table. Ginny was glaring daggers at Ron, who sat hunched over between Dean and Seamus, not talking to anyone. Hermione sat across from Ron biting her lip trying to keep from interrogating him. She was sure something had happened between her two best friends and she was desperate to try to fix it. To make matters worse, Harry had not returned for dinner, the first time that had happened all term.
After dinner Ginny exploded. Just as Ron was once more hurrying up to the boys dorm, a Petrificus Totalus rang out. Before anyone knew what was happening, Ron’s rigid form was being levitated out of the portrait hole and down the corridor.
“Ginny, what are you doing?” hissed Hermione, rushing to catch up.
“This git’s going to tell me what he knows.”
“Well then, bring him to the Heads suite before anyone sees you.” When they reached the quarters of the head students, Ginny unceremoniously dumped Ron on the sofa.
“Talk.”
-ooOoo-
Harry was consumed with ‘what if?’. Without letting anyone know he was back, he had taken his invisibility cloak and the Marauder’s Map from his room and sought out a place to think. He eventually found himself back in the third floor training room. Figuring he might as well do something useful, he began to work with the weights while he continued his pondering.
What if? What if Ron had not given him the potion? What if he hadn’t been obsessed with Ginny and hadn’t kissed her? Would she have dated a different boy after Dean? And most disturbingly, what might have happened with his relationship with Hermione if he had not been falling for Ginny during the summer? He recalled as though it were yesterday their first kiss by the pool and what she had told him. How they might well have decided to date and possibly fallen in love. He hadn’t really taken her seriously then, but seeing and hearing everyone’s reaction to their bogus dating now had been a real eye-opener. She had specifically said, ‘you already have a girlfriend’. What if he didn’t?
Why not fall in love with Hermione? What else could he ask for in a life partner? It was just that they had had a platonic friendship for so long that he had trouble seeing the two of them in a passionate embrace like those he engaged in with Ginny. Even the serious kiss Hermione had given him on her birthday had been pleasant, but not mind-blowing. (It slipped his mind that she had broken it off after only a few seconds.) Did he want a relationship that was based on deep affection and trust, with someone he was comfortable with, but possibly lacked the fiery passion that caused his mind to go blank when the younger witch kissed him?
-ooOoo-
“How could you do this to me!!?” The furious redheaded witch was ready to spit nails.
Ron blanched. He was no longer petrified, but didn’t dare move. After all, she had a wand right now and he didn’t. “What do you mean, do this to you? I was trying to help you out!”
“Did I ask for your help? I was doing fine without any help.”
“Ginny, he hardly noticed you.” Ginny’s wand came up instantly and Ron knew he was seconds away from something really painful. “I mean, yeah he knew who you were and spent time with you and talked with you, but he never thought of you as a possible girlfriend.”
“He would have! I had a plan. Dating Dean was going to make him realize I wasn’t a little kid any more. He would notice I was grown up. And then he would think of me differently and I would be able to go after him.” She had been pacing back and forth as she said this, and now she turned back to Ron. “And now he’s going to hate me! He’ll never look at me the same way again!”
“Ginny, he still likes you. I told him you didn’t know anything about it. I haven’t given him any of the potion for half a year and you’ve gotten much farther along with him since then, right?” Ron hated having to even think about what Harry and his sister might be getting up to by now, much less talk about it, but he knew she needed as much reassurance right now as he could give her.
“But now he’ll have second thoughts. He’ll wonder if it’s for real. And you know how much he hates being manipulated. He’s liable to dump me just as a reaction to being manipulated.”
“Ginny, he wouldn’t do that.” Ron wasn’t certain of that, however. His (hopefully still) best friend did have some strong reactions to the idea of being used as someone’s pawn. “Anyway, how do you know he’d be feeling all those things?”
“Because I’ve been working really hard the last two months to understand him and get to know him better. He’s been opening up to me about everything and we’ve gotten really close.” Ginny was sobbing now, and had slumped to the floor. “And now it’s all ruined.”
Ron moved off the sofa and knelt down by his sister, gently picking her up and holding her in his lap. He hugged her and kept murmuring “Ginny, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry …”
A while later there was a knock at the portrait hole. Neville entered and joined them on the floor, trying to help comfort the broken-hearted witch. When she had finally composed herself, the three of them made their way back to Gryffindor tower.
-ooOoo-
She found him again. Just as Harry was realizing that he was totally spent physically from lifting weights for an unknown amount of time, she found him, even without the Marauder’s Map.
Hermione had hurried through the corridors of Hogwarts after leaving Ron and Ginny in the Heads suite. She had checked the Room of Requirement and the Astronomy tower with no luck. She knew that when she got close she would sense his presence, and kept patiently checking possible locations until she did.
“I know,” she said simply. He had dropped the weight and was lying on the floor trying to recover enough to get up. She settled to the floor next to him and reached her hand out and placed it on his chest, feeling his heart pounding and his lungs expanding and contracting as he sucked in deep breaths. Her hand calmed him and he felt the tension flow out of him. She knew. He hadn’t figured out how he was going to tell her but he knew he had to. But now it wasn’t necessary. She knew.
“How?”
“Ginny cornered Ron. He finally broke down and admitted it. It wasn’t a pretty sight.”
“I suppose he now has bat bogeys all over his face?”
“No, actually. She was surprisingly restrained. I think she’s somewhat in shock. Once I heard what he said I left to come and find you.”
“I should go talk to her.”
“No wait. First I want to make sure you’re OK. Also, she needs to work things out with Ron, then she’ll need some time to sort through it just like you did.”
“OK.”
“Want me to set up some targets so you can blast something?”
“Nah, I took it all out on the weights. I’m not even sure I can stand up right now.”
“What can I do to help? Not with the standing up part but with the other part.”
“How are you at setting upside-down worlds rightside up again?”
“Not much experience in that, I’m afraid. How about starting by telling me what you’re feeling right now?”
“Manipulated. Confused. Uncertain. Like I no longer know what to trust any more.”
“You can trust me.”
“I know. I can always trust you.” He reached up and covered her hand on his chest with his own.
“That’s a start. What else?”
“Like I don’t know what’s real anymore. I can’t get all of these what if’s out of my head.”
“You have to stop doing that. However you’re feeling, you need to deal with it and move ahead. You can’t worry about what might have happened in the past.”
“But one of the what if’s is …”
“Shhh. Let it go. You can’t go back and change it. If it might have happened in the past, it might happen anyway. You just have to go forward and see. But now you can go forward with your eyes open. Ginny doesn’t feel any differently than she did a week ago. You don’t have to feel any differently than you did a week ago. You have to decide that for yourself. Forget what happened last year and decide what you feel now. And then talk to her.”
They talked a while longer and Harry eventually began feeling less conflicted. Soon he was rested enough to get up and Hermione pulled the invisibility cloak over the two of them and helped him back to their rooms.
But Hermione lay awake that night for a long time, with tears in her eyes, thinking. What if?
-xox-XOX-XOX-xox-
Author Notes:
It was a difficult decision to bring the love potion plot into this story. I don’t think many things irritate H/G shippers more than the suggestion that she used a love potion on Harry. Because
of the direction I want this story to go, I couldn’t have Ginny giving the love potion to Harry because when he found out about it their relationship would end immediately. This way there is more
agonizing and uncertainty. Ginny is not a bad person in this story.
I got the idea for Ron to be the one giving Harry the love potion from a short one-shot by P K Fan — Forgetting Last Year.
Regarding Ginny’s ‘plan’. Perhaps it was going to be something like the plan she used at the beginning of This Means War by Jeconais.